The Approach of My Angel (cont'd)
My Purification Continues
A few days passed and suddenly my angel asked me to go to the seminary to find a priest and show him the messages. I did exactly as he told me. But I was very disappointed. I had great expectations and what I got was a blow. The priest thought I was going through a psychological crisis and believed I was on the verge of schizophrenia. He wanted to examine both my hands. He took both my hands and analyzed them. I knew what he had in mind, he was trying to find traces of any sort of abnormality in my hands as in certain mental cases. He believed that now God had given him this heavy cross, that was me, to carry. He pitied me and asked me to come anytime to see him. I went every second or third day to visit him. I did not like going to him because he treated me as a mental case in the beginning. This went on for about three or four months. The only reason why I persevered in visiting him was so that I should prove to him I was not mental. Finally after some time he realized that I was sane. One day he even said that what I had might be a charisma from God.
My guardian angel in the meantime was leading me towards God, and one of the first lessons that he gave me was on discernment. These teachings on discernment infuriated the devil even more because it meant that even though he would appear like the angel of light, I would know the difference.
My angel told me that Jesus will approach me and that his mission (my angel's) was coming towards its end. When I heard this news I was sad. I did not want my angel to leave me. He tried to reason with me explaining that he was only God's servant and that now I should turn towards God. He tried to explain that his mission with me was to take me to God and hand me safely over to Him. But this was all the more painful for me. I could not bear the idea that from one day to the other I would not communicate with my angel.
As my angel Daniel foretold to me, one day Jesus came in his place. When He revealed Himself to me, He asked me, "Which house is more important, your house or My House?" I answered Him, "Your House." I felt Him happy with my reply, He blessed me and left.
Again, instead of my angel, the Lord came to me, and said, "It is I," and when He saw I was hesitating, He said clearly, "It is I, God." But instead of rejoicing I was unhappy. I was missing terribly my angel. I loved my angel deeply and the mere thought that he would not come again because his place would be taken by God was disturbing me. I would like to mention here, what the Lord told me regarding the love I had for my angel. He said that no one ever loved his angel as much as I have, and He hoped to say one day to me these words: "No man ever loved Me in your era as much as you have."
Now my angel kept in the background. God asked me, "Do you love Me?" I said I did. He did not blame me for not loving Him enough, but instead He said very gently, "Love Me more."
The other time the Lord revealed Himself to me He told me, "Revive My House," and again, "Renew My House." I could not remember replying, but I knew that what He was asking me was impossible.
The following days were visits either by my angel or Jesus, sometimes both at the same time. My angel was preaching to me, he was asking me to make peace with God. When he asked me that, I was very surprised, and I told him that I was not at war with God, so how was I to make peace with Him?
God asked me again to love Him. He asked me to become intimate with Him as I was with my angel, meaning to speak freely to Him, but I could not. I still felt Him as a stranger and not as a friend. My angel was reminding me that he was just God's servant and that I should love God and glorify Him. The more he was pushing me towards God, the more I was panicking for fear that he would leave me. He was telling me to abandon myself to God, but I was not doing it.
Meanwhile Satan had not given up, he still hoped to get me in my weak state. I was allowed by God once or twice to hear a conversation between Jesus and Satan. Satan was asking from Him to put me to the test. He said to Jesus: "We will see about your Vassula...your dear Vassula will not keep faithful to You, she will fall and for good this time, I can prove it to You in the days of her trials." And so Satan was allowed again to place on me all sorts of temptations. Incredible temptations! Every time I realized that it was a temptation and I overcame it, he put in my way yet another bigger temptation. Temptations that had I succumbed to them, my soul would be bound for hell. Then his attacks started all over again. He splashed boiling oil on my mid-finger where I place the pencil to write. Immediately the blister appeared and I had to dress it to be able to hold the pencil when I was writing. The devil was trying once more and ever so hard to stop me from communicating with God and from writing. I wrote with great pain. Each time my finger healed, he repeated the same thing over and over again, and so for weeks I wrote, but not without suffering.
When my family and I went on a holiday to Thailand, we went in a boat to visit an island. On the way back as soon as we were pulling in, the boat shook and I lost my balance. So that I do not fall I grabbed the first thing in sight and it was the exhaust pipe of the boat, burning hot. I burned the whole palm of my right hand. My first thought was "How am I to write?" My hand swelled, was red and very painful. We were half an hour from the hotel but by the time we arrived there all the swelling and pain had left me. I had no sign of burning. The Lord told me later on that He had not allowed Satan to go as far as this, and so He healed my hand. The devil tried another way to stop me from writing. He appeared to my son, (he was ten years old then), in his dream. He took the shape of an old man and told him while sitting near his bed, "You'd better tell your mother to stop writing, and if she does not, I shall do to you the same thing I had done to her when she was young. I shall come while you are lying in bed, pull your head back and strangle you."
This was what I experienced when I was maybe six years old. I had seen one night right in front of me, while I was in bed, just above my throat, two terribly ugly hands of an old man. The next thing I knew was that something pulled my head backwards, exposing my throat. Then nothing. But this left me trembling.
Satan had hounded me from my early age, for almost every night at about the age of six, he appeared to me in dreams to terrify me, taking the shape of a big black dog. It was always the same dream. I would be walking in a dimmed corridor and there at the end would be this dog snarling, ready to jump on me and tear me to pieces, and I would flee terrified.
When I was about 10, I saw Jesus in my dream. He was at the end of some sort of corridor. I only saw His portrait. I saw Him only all the way to His waist. He was smiling and saying, "Come, come to Me." I was suddenly seized by an unknown current that drew me closer and closer to Him. I was afraid of this unknown current and Jesus realized my fear, smiling at me. This current drew me all the way to Jesus until my face stuck on His face.
At about twelve years of age too, I had another mystical experience. It was my spiritual marriage to Jesus. Again in a dream, I was dressed as a bride and my spouse was Jesus. Only I could not see Him but I knew He was there. The people who were present were greeting us cheerfully with palm leaves in their hands. We were supposed to walk the nuptial walk. Just after the marriage was over, I stepped in a room. There was our Blessed Mother with St. Mary Magdalene and two other holy women. Our Blessed Mother was very happy and came to embrace me. She started immediately to fix my dress again and my hair and I realized that She wanted me to be presentable for Her Son.