August 7, 1987
(Jesus was again giving me images of His scourging, His right side of His face swollen. Again I felt in pieces.)
Vassula, I love you all so much!
Quickly, quickly1 ...
with My power I will raise even the dead; Vassula, I want to clarify My message of last week; do you know that I withdraw just a little bit of My Light? do you feel this?
good; by withdrawing My Light but just very little I nourish your intellect in the sense that I make you seek Me more, raising you to contemplation and enlivening it, flourishing it and thus becoming fruitful;
How did You nourish me before bringing me into this?
I had given you recourses which lie out of your intellect; now I wish to have you penetrate into a higher degree of meditation; Vassula, you have to progress; I am only enriching your food with this slight change; I want this to be clear to you; I have told you that I will detach you in every sense, have I not?
Yes, You did, Lord.
by being now detached I will enliven your faculties;
The insight You talked about?
yes, your insight, giving you this spiritual grace will help others;
How others, Lord?
you will be able to understand My children and thus you will be able to help them; do not relate this slight withdrawal of my Light as abandonment; no, Vassula, I am only advancing your soul into holiness;
Lord, I was fearing to become like a boat without oars and be drifted backwards, losing all what I was taught by You! I panicked!
Vassula, I have to purify you; learn that by purifying a soul, the soul will go through terrible fears and anguishes; but I am telling you this, that languishing for Me inclines you to be raised into this blessing;
which is contemplation; I want your love to reach perfection, giving yourself entirely to Me;
Jesus, my soul longs for You.
little one, do I not long for you too? 2 we, us; come, let us go;
(Now I understand Jesus is teaching me two things at the same time: contemplation and to have insight.
On July 26, it was as if God was preparing me for this change; for already the following day I felt as if His Light was withdrawn slightly, I panicked. Immediately my soul started to search the reason, as I'm guilty and full of sin. I searched which were those sins that might have angered Him so much as to withdraw slightly His light, had I offended Him? Or could it be Satan doing this to me? I thought that if it's either, I because of exactly this should all the more cling tighter on my Saviour, pray more than usual, meditate more, fully use all other graces given to me, feel His Presence, talk to Him more than ever, never forget His Presence, work like I never worked so hard. If it's Satan, he'll flee fuming, so I'll let him fume and he'll leave me alone. On the other hand, if it comes from God, a test, I would like to pass it like a good student; I want Him smiling.
Several days passed, no change, my strength was giving in, I was beginning to panic now, I tried to serve Him with more fervour and devotion, but I could not understand yet why all this was not helping, at least that's what I believed. Then my Saviour and Teacher explained to me what was happening. When I thought He had abandoned me, He was but purifying me, lifting me into a higher level of meditation, developing my intellect, and infusing it with a subtle3 light, nourishing me with insight.)
1 Here I meant, "hurry up and complete Your will so that You don't suffer more"; I couldn't bear Him suffering.
2 We, us = He reminds me to talk to Him, using those two words.
3 It's obvious that even when I explain my own feelings, God is dictating them to me. The word 'subtle' was loudly said to me as I was hesitating how to describe this light. I looked it up in the dictionary to find out what it meant, I didn't know ...