The Approach of My Angel (cont'd)
Persecutions from the Priest
The priest, though, did not give up. He wrote letters to me to tell me that all that I had was a mass of rubbish and that I should just look at myself and understand that such a grace would never be given to me. Previously he said such graces were for people who worked for God, similar to Mother Teresa or the like, and with a gesture of his hand, showed me his books on the shelves. Then he tried to frighten me saying it was diabolical, so that I would abandon the writings. He partly managed, for every time after that, when God approached me, I chased Him away. I could barely accept my angel. If I heard from God these words "I, Yahweh love you," I would pretend I heard nothing and would not allow this to be written. If Jesus approached me and told me, "Peace My child" I would turn away from Him and chase Him away, taking Him for the evil one. The priest managed to put in my head that God cannot communicate with a person like me because God goes only to saintly people. I would sometimes become quite aggressive when Jesus would come and speak to me, thinking it was the devil. I would fiercely chase Him away, over and over again.
In the end Wisdom found a way. My angel came telling me that he had a message from Jesus and would tell it to me. He became the go-between. This was a way I could accept, but not always, for I still was under the influence of the priests' words. How and why would the Holy One's Eyes turn and look at a contemptible soul such as mine, let alone speak to me! How could I have believed that God, the Almighty, would speak and communicate in such a simple way with me! In my life I had never heard this. Yes, only in the Holy Bible, with people like Moses, Abraham and the prophets, but this was another story and other times. A fairy-tale, that's what it was, an illusion, my mind reeled because I knew it was happening and I was not mad! Slowly and with time only, these wounds I received from the priests started to heal.
My angel gave me so much peace, preaching to me every single day for hours. Now and then he would leave space for Jesus to quote His Divine words. The first time this happened, I was about to erase the words, since I had allowed myself to write them down. The angel intervened asking me to understand and leave these words since they were truly from Jesus. The words were, "I, Jesus, love you." These were the first written words from Jesus after the crisis. They were written on the 20th of June 1986. Slowly, slowly, step by step and ever so gently, Jesus again made His approach to me.
On the 9th of July 1986, 7 God said, "I God love you." My angel, immediately noticing my hesitation, asked me to keep these words saying that every word was given by God, and that God was near me. The next direct message from God was in July 1986. 7 The message was: "I have fed you, (spiritually), I came to give the food to you. Please help the others by giving them this food too. Flourish them, leading them to Me. I fed you, flourished you, fragranced you. Feed the others too. Help them and lead them to Me. I have given you Love, so follow Me. I have favoured you by giving you this food. Give it to the others too, to delight on it"
Then again, the 31st of July 1986, 7 this time Jesus came as the Sacred Heart and said to me: "In the middle of My Heart, have a place, My beloved. There you will live." On the 7th of August 1986, 7 the Father once more spoke to me giving me this message: "I God bind you with Me." Fearing, I asked Him very sharply because I was suspicious, that He name Himself. He answered, "Yahweh." I was filled with joy and love and already I had a burning in my soul from the yearning I had for Him. I said: "I love you Eternal Father." He replied, "Love Me, praise Me, your God, I am your Eternal Father." I asked Him then: "Do you feel my happiness, my anguishes, my fears, my love, my confusions?" He replied, "Yes." Then I said: "In that case you know how I feel right now. You understand me fully," and He said with great tenderness: "Yes, I do, My beloved."
This again was my first communication for a long time after the rejection I had (out of fear). God went on, since He knew that I was wondering why He speaks to me. He said, "God loves you all, these messages are just a reminder, to remind you how your foundations began; deliver My message."
The very first messages I received were very short, as I explained in the beginning. They sounded more like telegrams than messages.
In the meantime, in spite of everything, I had not lost contact with the priests. But I had stopped talking about the messages to the one who had condemned them and had given me so much suffering. However, after some time, I decided to tell him that I was still receiving messages and writing them. So I showed him the notebooks instead of loose papers as before. I used any plain paper I could write on, but when the time came to start my mission, the Holy Spirit inspired me to open notebooks and number them.
I remember inviting the priest to my house so that I could tell him that I was still communicating with God. I thought I should inform him. I told him and he did not like it very much, but he asked me to show him the notebooks. I gave them to him to keep for a day. The next day I received a very harsh letter from him, telling me to burn all my notebooks and to go and tell all my friends who were reading them to forget everything. Somehow, I recognized Satan's harshness. I told my friends what he said, and they were very cross with him. I visited the priest and told him of their reaction. I took my notebooks away from him. He said that God is probably very angry with me now and that He abandoned me to my fate. He said that God was patient once or twice, but now, since I was not listening, He left me with the devil.
Already, the lessons of discernment from my angel were taking their effect and they became very useful to me in this particular moment. This time I could not be deceived. I answered the priest's letter and told him that his God is not my God. For his God is a cruel God, quick to anger, impatient, intolerant and lacking love. His God forgives once or twice and then turns His back and throws the souls to hell if they do not listen, whereas the God I know of, the One who communicates with me daily, my God, is all love, infinitely patient, tolerant and tender. My God who speaks to me, and bends all the way from heaven, is meek, slow to anger, all merciful and envelops my soul with only love. My God who visits me every day in my room, the One whom he treats as the devil, surrounds my soul with peace and hope. My God nourishes me spiritually, augmenting my faith in Him. He teaches me spiritual things and reveals to me the Riches of His Heart.
After this he asked me to try once more for just a few days to stop writing to see what happened.
I allowed a few more days to pass without writing, as I had been asked by the priest. I prayed and asked again in my prayer, who was really guiding me in this special way? I had asked that if the messages were really from Him, then I would like Him to tell me and hear Him say these words: "I Yahweh am guiding you." Nothing more. And this is what happened and God answered according to my prayer.
My communications continued and one day on December 15, 1986 God gave me this message: "Daughter, all Wisdom comes from Me. Do you want Wisdom?" Without realizing what God was offering me, I simply said "Yes" to Him. He then said that He would give me Wisdom but that I had to acquire Wisdom if I wanted Her. When He saw I was questioning myself on how to do this, He said that He is the Almighty and that He would teach me. I meditated on what God had offered me and the more I meditated the more I realized the tremendous Gift He was offering me. I realized too that I had not even thanked Him. So the following day I thanked Him and again He said that I would have to earn Wisdom, but He would help me and I should not get discouraged.
7 In the beginning, some messages were not written down, written on loose papers, or thrown away.