The Approach of My Angel (cont'd)
The Desert, Then the Total Surrender
That is why I am going to seduce her and lead her out into the wilderness and speak to her heart. (Ho 2:16)
Now God wanted me to surrender fully to Him. He wanted to unite me to Him and make me His. He wanted to mould me and transform me. I was not surrendering according to His desire and so I had to undergo another sort of purification for my total abandonment to God so that I make peace with Him. This is what happened: I called to God and to my surprise I had no response. I panicked and turned around to look for my angel, but he was not there either. Instead, I felt a few souls around me, they came like beggars, approaching me. 1 They begged me for prayers, blessings and for holy water. I went to the church immediately and brought with me holy water for them. They asked me to sprinkle it on them and so I did. This gesture attracted even more souls and in no time I had around me a big crowd. To my surprise it seemed to relieve them from their pains and their joy was great. One of them asked me to pray for him there and then and give him just one blessing. I did not know how, so he told me to just pray a simple prayer and bless him. I prayed as he asked me and blessed him. He thanked me with joy and he himself blessed me too. All this was new to me, but I felt that they were relieved and pleased. I took the opportunity to ask them whether they knew where my angel was, the one whom my heart already had begun to love. But I did not get any answer.
Every day that went by in this loneliness seemed like a year. I was looking for peace and I could not find it. I was surrounded by many friends and people but I never felt so lonely and abandoned as that time. I felt as though I was going through hell. Many a time I cried out for my angel to return to me, but no, he had vanished! My soul failed at his flight. I sought him but I did not find him, I called to him but he did not answer. I roamed for three whole weeks in the desert, more dead than alive, until I could not bear it any longer and in this terrible night that my soul was going through I cried out tearfully with all my heart and as never before to Yahweh: "FATHER!!... where are You?...Father?...Why did You leave me? O God, take me! Take me and use me as You wish!...Purify me so that You are able to use me!"
With this piercing cry that came from the depths of my heart, heaven suddenly opened and like thunder the Father's voice, full of emotion cried back to me: "I GOD LOVE YOU!" These words were like a balm pouring on those impressive wounds my soul received and they healed me instantly. I felt in those words uttered by God His Infinite Love.
Just after these words of love, it seemed to me as though I dropped out of a tornado into a beautiful peaceful garden. My angel reappeared and with great tenderness began to dress my wounds, those wounds I received while crossing by night this endless desert. Yahweh then asked me to open the Bible and read. The first passage I read brought me to tears and converted me, for it revealed to me in an amazing way the Heart of God. I read in Exodus 22:25, 26 these words:
If you take another's cloak as a pledge, you must give it back to him before sunset. It is all the covering he has; it is the cloak he wraps his body in; what else would he sleep in? If he cries to me, I will listen, for I am full of pity."
God did not explain to me immediately what happened in these three weeks for His own reasons but much later, on December 22, 1990, He gave me this explanation, here are His own words:
My Heart, an Abyss of Love cried out for you; you had accumulated sorrow upon sorrow in My Heart, treason upon treason; you were wrestling with Me, puny little creature ... but I knew that your heart is not a divided heart and that once I conquer your heart, it would become entirely Mine; an object of your era, you were wrestling with Me, but I have thrown you down in the wrestle and dragged you in the dust and into the desert where I left you there all alone;
I had provided you with a guardian angel, since the beginning of your existence, to guard you, console you and guide you, but My Wisdom ordered your guardian angel to leave you and to let you face the desert on your own; I said: "you are to live in spite of your nakedness!" 2 because no man is able to survive alone; 3 Satan would have taken over completely and would have killed you; My order was given to him too; I forbade him to touch you then, in your terror you remembered Me and looked up in Heaven searching desperately for Me; your laments and your supplications suddenly broke the deathly stillness surrounding you and your terrified cries pierced through the heavens reaching the Holy Trinity's Ears ...
"My child!" the Father's Voice, full of joy resounded through all Heaven, "Ah ... I shall now make her penetrate My Wounds 4 and let her eat My Body and drink My Blood, I shall espouse her to Me and she will be Mine for eternity I shall show her the Love I have for her and her lips from thereon shall thirst for Me and her heart shall be My Head-rest; she shall eagerly submit daily to My Righteousness, I shall make her an altar of My Love and of My Passion; I, and I only shall be her only Love and Passion; and I shall send her with My Message to the ends of the world to conquer an irreligious people, and to a people who are not even her own; and voluntarily she will carry My Cross of Peace and Love taking the road to Calvary"
"And I, the Holy Spirit shall descend upon her to reveal to her the Truth and the depths of Us; 5 I shall remind the world, through her, that the greatest of all the gifts is: LOVE "
"let Us 6 then celebrate! let all Heaven celebrate!"
God gave me a vision to better understand the situation. He made me understand why Satan was so aggressive with me. So long as I was not fully converted, the devil did not disturb me and felt content. He did not show any aggression. But the moment he felt I was turning towards God, and he would lose me, he attacked my soul.
This was the vision: I saw myself standing in a room and I saw a snake (Satan) crawling. Apparently that snake was my pet. But as I had lost interest in it, I stopped feeding it. Hungry and astonished it came out of its hole to look for food. I watched it going towards its dish and there it found a couple of grapes. The snake swallowed them but it did not seem satisfied. So it crawled towards the kitchen in search of food. In the meantime, it started to sense that I had changed my feeling towards it and that now I had become its enemy instead of its friend. Because of that, I knew it would try to kill me. I feared, but just then, my guardian angel appeared asking me if I had any problem. I told him about the snake. He told me that he would take care of it. I hesitated whether I should join in the battle or not, and I decided that I should join my angel and do the work together. My angel took a broom and opened a door which led outside, then went to the snake and frightened it away. He then slammed the door shut and we watched from the window how the snake reacted. It panicked. We saw it heading back again towards the door. But the door was safely shut. It went speeding down the staircase and out into the street. The minute it slithered out, it transformed into a huge ugly toad and again into an evil spirit. The alarm was given and the people out there caught it and tied it up.
1 When I was a teenager, I used to see with the eyes of my soul many souls surrounding me. When I saw these souls then, I would say to myself, "Ah, again here are the dead people." They filled the room I was in. They seemed to sit close to each other on the floor. I felt they enjoyed my presence. All of them seemed alike. They appeared thin with no hair and grayish in their looks. Their whole self was grayish like ash. They did not make any sound and in fact they seemed like they did not want to disrupt me. This was a very common scene that occurred for several years. Later on, Jesus explained all this to me. He said that these souls were waiting for my prayers when I would be converted.