The Approach of My Angel (cont'd)
The Battle Between My Angel and Satan
As though it was not enough to be tormented in the daytime, Satan came too at nighttime. He would not let me sleep. Every time I was about to fall asleep, he would try to suffocate me. I sometimes would feel him like an eagle who would put his claws inside my stomach, and squeeze all the breath out of me. I felt the battle around me, I felt how I was in the middle of this battle, between my angel and the devil. Then one day, as if nothing had happened, everything ceased. Satan abandoned his attacks and I had a few days peace. All this experience left me rather weak, but more attached than ever before to my angel.
In my eyes my guardian angel began to be everything, and he filled my life. I clung to him for dear life so to say. I realized how much our guardian angels protected us, loved us, cared for us, guarded us, cried for us, prayed for us, suffered with us and shared everything with us. Sorrows and joys were shared.
To the horror of the devil, since he guessed what God had in store for me, he came back into the scene. Cunning as he is, this time he changed strategy. He used the classical way to deceive me and appeared to me like my angel. He attached a great importance on how to portray God to me. His aim, since he guessed that God would approach me for a mission, was to make me fear God in the wrong way, so that when God's time came to communicate with me, I would run away from Him.
I admit that in the beginning he managed to deceive me and I believed what he said about God, because he used my ignorance to feed my brain with a false image of God. He portrayed God to me as a fearful judge, with little tolerance for His creatures, and that with the slightest error on our part, He would punish us in a terrible way. This went on for a few days.
I came to the stage where I could not discern who was who. I could not tell if I was with my angel or if it was the evil one aping my angel. I had nobody to turn to for consulting or take advice from either. I was quite alone. I also did not want to share this with my husband, for fear of upsetting him. Satan believing he had now the upper hand, started to tighten the knot, by showing signs of evil, wickedness, confusing me. To make things worse, every day that went by, he brought more and more demons with him, to invade me, making it very difficult for my guardian angel to protect me. God allowed me to overhear the devil once, while he was giving orders to his angels to go and attack and paralyse me. These fallen angels surrounded me, mocked me, lied to me and called me all sorts of dirty names. They also nick-named me "Pia" but with mockery. God allowed all this to happen, for this too was another way that He made use of, to purify my soul.